Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Parenting the Strong-willed Child
Austin
He surprised us today be getting Principal's honor roll again this nine weeks. That boy, he makes me proud.
His class also won the 4th grade kickball championship.
Its been a great year for him.
His class also won the 4th grade kickball championship.
Its been a great year for him.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Control issues?
A girlfriend pointed out that Hunter likes control. That is his currency. It makes ALOT of sense to me and now I have to look for ways to parent him in a way that allows him to feel in control when he really isn't.
Sounds easy.
Famous last words.
Sounds easy.
Famous last words.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
parenting a difficult child
First of all, I'm sorry to all those moms in stores, at church, in playgroups, or complete strangers who I thought needed to have better control over their children. I am now in your ranks and I have a different perspective.
Hunter.
Where do I begin? He's cute...almost too cute. His dark brown eyes and endless eyelashes have an air of mystery about him. His tan, his gift of physical agility. All things that will make him nothing less than a LADYKILLER when he gets older. His aggressive nature will help him to be hugely successful at whatever he does later in life. He's that kid. (How those genes came from me I'm still not sure. Let's say he's more Ben than me.)
He is also that kid who has older siblings, so he wrestles a little rougher than kids who don't. He's doesn't back down from a challenge, even if that challenge is way out of his league. He's daring, he's cunning, he's funny, he's smart, he's calculating, he's sweet and he can be a bit of an unintentional bully.
He has friends on our street that have seen all those sides of him, but the one that sticks out the most is probably the bully side. He is the first to push someone out of his way, he's the first to snatch something he wants regardless if someone else has it and I'm afraid that no one will want to play with him if he keeps it up.
I know, I know, he's not even 3 and it will take another couple years for him to learn to share and take turns, but I heard the other kids (and their moms) say things like, " just don't play with Hunter" or "here some Hunter, time to go in".
And my heart breaks.
I have become the mom of the uncontrollable kid. I have yet to discover what parenting tactic works for him.
1. Spanking- NOPE. That taught him that if someone is doing something he doesn't like, to hit them. I'm still trying to unteach him that strategy.
2. Yelling- NOPE. I'm not a yeller by nature. But he goes from 0 to 100 at lighting speed and yelling just accelerates that. He goes straight to yelling at me or anyone else when he doesn't get his way.
3. Time outs- they work about 40% of the time. He hates to be made to go sit by himself, but when I get him to do it, he calms down, but this only works at home and in specific situations.
4. finding his currency- I find the one thing he values, and then use that to get him to behave. He hates having his bedroom door closed when he's in his room, so I use that but it only works at home. Not helpful in public.
5. reward charts- waste of time and energy for probably another year or so.
6. praise- it only works when he's already calm. Then he eats it up, but when he's all worked up, nothing I say (or do for that matter) works.
You get the idea. I'm out of ideas, I'm burned out, I'm tired and I'm frustrated, I can't find a good book to give me new ideas, so I'm asking my mommy friends for suggestions. PLEASE!
Hunter.
Where do I begin? He's cute...almost too cute. His dark brown eyes and endless eyelashes have an air of mystery about him. His tan, his gift of physical agility. All things that will make him nothing less than a LADYKILLER when he gets older. His aggressive nature will help him to be hugely successful at whatever he does later in life. He's that kid. (How those genes came from me I'm still not sure. Let's say he's more Ben than me.)
He is also that kid who has older siblings, so he wrestles a little rougher than kids who don't. He's doesn't back down from a challenge, even if that challenge is way out of his league. He's daring, he's cunning, he's funny, he's smart, he's calculating, he's sweet and he can be a bit of an unintentional bully.
He has friends on our street that have seen all those sides of him, but the one that sticks out the most is probably the bully side. He is the first to push someone out of his way, he's the first to snatch something he wants regardless if someone else has it and I'm afraid that no one will want to play with him if he keeps it up.
I know, I know, he's not even 3 and it will take another couple years for him to learn to share and take turns, but I heard the other kids (and their moms) say things like, " just don't play with Hunter" or "here some Hunter, time to go in".
And my heart breaks.
I have become the mom of the uncontrollable kid. I have yet to discover what parenting tactic works for him.
1. Spanking- NOPE. That taught him that if someone is doing something he doesn't like, to hit them. I'm still trying to unteach him that strategy.
2. Yelling- NOPE. I'm not a yeller by nature. But he goes from 0 to 100 at lighting speed and yelling just accelerates that. He goes straight to yelling at me or anyone else when he doesn't get his way.
3. Time outs- they work about 40% of the time. He hates to be made to go sit by himself, but when I get him to do it, he calms down, but this only works at home and in specific situations.
4. finding his currency- I find the one thing he values, and then use that to get him to behave. He hates having his bedroom door closed when he's in his room, so I use that but it only works at home. Not helpful in public.
5. reward charts- waste of time and energy for probably another year or so.
6. praise- it only works when he's already calm. Then he eats it up, but when he's all worked up, nothing I say (or do for that matter) works.
You get the idea. I'm out of ideas, I'm burned out, I'm tired and I'm frustrated, I can't find a good book to give me new ideas, so I'm asking my mommy friends for suggestions. PLEASE!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
me n' my girls
Aquarium
Monday, May 14, 2012
bad news
Ben got a call from his oldest sister on Wed night that his mom was ill. By 5am Thursday, she had been rushed via ambulance and was being admitted to ICU. By 8:30am, we were on the road headed to Sioux City.
We only stopped twice in the 8.5 hours it took to drive there, a small miracle in and of itself. We took Ben immediately to the hospital and then I took the kids to my moms to get them situated and then went to the hospital myself.
It was heartbreaking to enter the hospital room and see her there. Hooked up to all those machines, fighting for her life. But in the same moment, I was overcome with love as I saw all 4 of her children, who had dropped everything in their very busy lives to be at her side. The camaraderie, the hope, the deep concern, the love was very tangible in that ICU room.
She had a bacterial infection in her blood that responded well to antibiotics, but they have yet to find the source of the infection. Her MRI showed some 30+ "mini-strokes".
By weekends end, she was waking up more, talking more, but still very weak, With continued prayer, good doctors and nurses and her family, we are hopeful she will make a strong, but slow recovery.
We only stopped twice in the 8.5 hours it took to drive there, a small miracle in and of itself. We took Ben immediately to the hospital and then I took the kids to my moms to get them situated and then went to the hospital myself.
It was heartbreaking to enter the hospital room and see her there. Hooked up to all those machines, fighting for her life. But in the same moment, I was overcome with love as I saw all 4 of her children, who had dropped everything in their very busy lives to be at her side. The camaraderie, the hope, the deep concern, the love was very tangible in that ICU room.
She had a bacterial infection in her blood that responded well to antibiotics, but they have yet to find the source of the infection. Her MRI showed some 30+ "mini-strokes".
By weekends end, she was waking up more, talking more, but still very weak, With continued prayer, good doctors and nurses and her family, we are hopeful she will make a strong, but slow recovery.
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